I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
