Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
