just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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