Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
