he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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