I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
