glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
