Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
