I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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