theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
