Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
