I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize