My cat gives me a boner
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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