you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
