Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
