that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
