Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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