Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
you told grandpa to call you daddy
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
