You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize