I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
