i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
