if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
