SEEEEXXX PLEASE
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
