i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I know her cup size but not her name....
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
