when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
