i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
