idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
