Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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