i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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