I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
