this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
