tell your sister to shave her snatch
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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