everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
This baby is an asshole
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
