Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
