I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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