I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
