my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize