I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize