I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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