Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
