Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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