oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Mom said you looked used
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Randomize
