just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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