i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
