I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We talked him into tasing himself.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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