So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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