there's paper in my vomit.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
