you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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