The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
