yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
