those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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