I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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