DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
