dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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