you would pick up someone in the library
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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