How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
