his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
