sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
