She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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