Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
