My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
