So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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