sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
