this beer tastes like vomit already
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
