Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
