drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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