and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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