How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
