He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
