They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
