i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
