Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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