you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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